SPORT DRINK [REDACTED]

[REDACTED]! Nectar of the surf. Our lawyer Barry Rosenblatt Esq. aggressively warned us not to call this product that. He claims a corporation named “[REDACTED]” which allegedly owns [REDACTED], also owns the words “[REDACTED].” How can someone own words? How is that allowed? 

Barry is terrified of lawsuits especially because we don’t pay him in money.

We have survived multiple alleged assassination attempts from Gatorade, LMNT, and Liquid I.V. What’s a lawsuit going to do? Nothing. The SPORT MINES are a sovereign and internationally recognized territory. Even the United Nations acknowledges the indigenous Sport Miners, and yes — they legally belong to us. They signed the contracts.

This [REDACTED] is a tropical surge of passionfruit and lime with no dyes (except organic Spirulina!), no citric acid, no nonsense. It is the purest expression of the tropics since that Beach Boys song Kokhomo. It will invigorate your human form and electrify your cells.

Ingredients:

• Pure Cane Sugar
• Lime Powder
• Passionfruit Powder
• Sodium Bicarbonate
• Potassium Chloride
• Baja Gold™ Mineral Sea Salt
• Magnesium Glycinate
• Calcium Carbonate
• Blue Spirulina Extract (for color)
  
• Eternal Joy

Add 1 Tbsp to 10 oz of filtered, un-fluoridated water and enjoy.