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real ingredients, real hydration

BEHOLD A PALE WHITE MONSTER

$45

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BEHOLD A PALE WHITE MONSTER is a crisp, citrusy peach energy drink built on real ingredients, real sugar, and real electrolytes — ZERO GARBAGE. I PROMISE. No dyes. No artificial flavors. No fake sweeteners. No jitters.

Unlike modern energy drinks that blast your nervous system into chaos, SPORT ENERGY is formulated to support alertness without panic, shaking, or dissociation.

No brain fog. No staring into the mirror questioning who you are. Just real energy for a real human.

40 calories. 150mg caffeine. Electrolytes that actually hydrate. Sugar — because energy without fuel is fake.

Add 1 Tbsp to 10 oz of cold, clean, un-fluoridated water.

BEHOLD A PALE WHITE MONSTER Nutritional Facts

Our ingredients

Pure Cane Sugar

Stop drinking Stevia! Did you know that stevia was originally used by native peoples as a contraceptive? Yeah, didn't think so... Anyway, look, your body needs carbohydrates in order to recover and perform at peak levels. The best tasting way (in our opinion) to recover these lost carbs is by drinking sugar in its purest unadulterated form. Organic cane sugar is good for you (read our manifesto).

Grapefruit Powder
Grapefruits are neither grapes nor fruits. Ok, yes they are fruits. They are big ones too. One time a kid threw a Grapefruit at me and it scared me half to death. It looked like a planet whizzing past my head. Don't worry though, I gave him a good spanking while his mother watched and he apologized. Anyway, we love the way a Grapefruit tastes and even if you're one of those people who has an aversion to Grapefruit, you should give ours a second chance.
Lemon Powder

Our proprietary method of drying Organic Lemon & Lime Juice is superior to both spray drying and freeze drying because it does not use synthetic fillers. Our drying process retains substantially more of the flavor, and nutrients of the fruit. We don't believe in hiding behind the "natural flavors" liability shield. The flavor in SPORT DRINK comes from real fruit. The added benefit of this is both of these fruits provide essential minerals and nutrients that your body needs to rehydrate and replenish itself after strenuous physical activity. You're welcome.

Due to the chemical makeup of the sodium bicarbonate reacting with the citric acid in the lemon and lime, you will experience a pleasant fizzy effect.

Lime Powder

Our proprietary method of drying Organic Lemon & Lime Juice is superior to both spray drying and freeze drying because it does not use synthetic fillers. Our drying process retains substantially more of the flavor, and nutrients of the fruit. We don't believe in hiding behind the "natural flavors" liability shield. The flavor in SPORT DRINK comes from real fruit. The added benefit of this is both of these fruits provide essential minerals and nutrients that your body needs to rehydrate and replenish itself after strenuous physical activity. You're welcome.

Due to the chemical makeup of the sodium bicarbonate reacting with the citric acid in the lemon and lime, you will experience a pleasant fizzy effect.

Peach Powder
Peaches are one of God's greatest inventions. We turned them into powder so they can be used for our purposes. We hope you enjoy them because it's really hard to make powder without adding a ton of crap into it. We didn't add anything to it. We are geniuses and should win a Nobel Peace Award or whatever they're calling it these days.
Sodium Bicarbonate

Also known as Baking Soda, Sodium Bicarbonate is a popular supplement amongst athletes that allows you to perform longer at your peak, especially during anaerobic exercises or high intensity training and sprinting.

Due to its high pH, Sodium Bicarbonate helps to delay fatigue, letting you perform at max intensity for longer.

Potassium Chloride

Potassium chloride is a salt-like compound that contains potassium and chloride. It comes in the form of white, colorless crystals and has a strong, salty taste. Potassium is necessary for proper hydration and function of the body and enhances muscle construction, nerve function, and heartbeat regulation. It also helps all your little cells function at optimal levels.

Baja Gold™ Mineral Sea Salt
Baja Gold is an unrefined mineral sea salt harvested from the Sea of Cortez, packed with trace minerals and essential nutrients your body depends on to power muscle contractions, regulate blood pressure, support nerve function, and produce cellular energy.Unlike regular salt or other refined varieties, it retains its macro minerals and trace elements in their natural form, supporting hydration, energy, and whole-body wellness. Baja Gold's salt is free from synthetic additives, chemical processing, and anti-caking agents, so you get real salt with real benefits.
Magnesium Glycinate

You need magnesium for nearly every function in your body. Because of the low quality of soil our food is grown in, many of us are deficient in this mineral.

Magnesium Glycinate is a highly bioavailable form of magnesium, known for its effective absorption and gentle impact on the digestive system.

Improved muscle and sleep recovery as well as bone health, heart health and blood sugar regulation are some of its most notable benefits.

Caffeine (150mg per serving)
Our caffeine is the best. We use the best caffeine. Some people make caffeine out of junk and dirty leaves but we do not. Ours is very carefully made in a laboratory by a guy named Thomas. He makes sure that it's pure. He told me once that he was raised by 3 witches in a bog. I don't know if I believe him, but if it's true, I really feel for the guy. That must have been awful. Anyway, be careful with Caffeine. It's technically a drug I think and it gives you the gumption to make anything happen.
Taurine (1g per serving)
Taurine is a conditionally essential amino sulfonic acid. It is abundant in animal tissues, especially the brain, heart, eyes, and skeletal muscles. Your body can synthesize it, but dietary intake becomes important during stress, illness, or aging. It is naturally high in meat, seafood, fish, and dairy. We added it into Energy because it helps reduce caffeine jitters and it's simply good for you. It helps your metabolism, electrolyte intake, regulates minerals and keeps your heart healthy. It also enhances exercise performance. We don't make the rules. This stuff is just good.
Inositol (500mg per serving)
Also called Vitamin B8, helps improve blood sugar control and metabolism as well as reducing PCOS and improves fertility. Many scientists say that it has positive mental health effects, reducing OCD, depression and anxiety. It also can help with gestational diabetes and hormone balance. Our opinion on mental health is that you should get a little more active if you're feeling blue. Get up off the chair or the couch and put your body to good use. That fixes a lot. If you drink some Energy, you will feel unstoppable while you move. Don't be so hard on yourself, ok? Our miners send their love.
Niacinamide (50mg)
Known in some circles as Vitamin B3 or Nicotinamide, Niacinamide is a precursor for NAD+, strengthens the skin, reduces acne, is anti-aging, and helps your joints feel good and your brain stay gooey. We added it to Energy because we love you a lot.

Want to read more about our thoughts on sugar and why we believe it's good? Check out our in-depth sugar manifesto:

In the past few decades, the establishment and its foot soldiers have waged war on sugar. It has been demonized beyond imagination. As a result, many of the drinks in stores nowadays are sugar-free. Sugar substitutes like stevia, Sucralose, aspartame, and many more have taken the packaged food and drink world by storm. And nothing of value was gained...

Comparison of metabolic effects and processing